My God, I’ve been blogging since August, 2002!
I wasn’t really sure until tonight. I fired up the old Blue & White G3 with the Radioland software installed to have a look at my old Salon blog, still on their servers, so I could copy anything worth saving before I have them delete the database. Months ago I’d saved a bunch of stuff from 2006 to 2004, and tonight I worked my way back all the way to the beginning. Ended up with a whopper of a text file, 504 KB.
But it wasn’t easy looking at those early years in Taos: the hell we were going through, the doubts and regrets, the lack of money. If that didn’t kill me, reading about it all over again came close. I honestly don’t know how I survived those few years when we lived apart. Nothing I’ve ever gone through has ever hurt so bad. And yet to a major degree, I was doing it to myself by what I interpreted events to mean and how I played those thoughts over and over in my head…
Possession by fear is a powerful seduction. Not a lesson easily learned, by any means.
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