It’s amazing how long an encounter with abject personal meanness stays with a person.
This morning, for instance, I was opening the trunk of the ol’ Dodge in the Wal-Mart parking lot, preparing to load up my 25-pound sack of sunflower seeds, when a woman in the next row started to back out. She was more than half-way out of the parking space when a car entering the parking lot came up behind her, honked loudly, and shooed her back into the space before driving past. Now, to me that’s a no-no: it’s hard to see when you’re backing up, and if someone is leaving a parking lot, so much the better. The honker’s driver side window was rolled down all the way, and I did something I almost never, ever do in these situations, I spoke up!
“You coulda parked there!” I called out to her. Looking surprised that anyone had called her on this, she turned to me and said, “I didn’t want to!” and then drove on. I guess I got off easy, eh? And there wasn’t an angry husband to deal with, either.
On the way home, my stomach was roiling. The meanness and selfishness I’d seen disturbed me and disturbs me still. I see it lots of places, especially in what passes for our government these days. I see it in the way we’re dealing with Iran. Why are so many of us so downright mean and stupid? How did meanness and bullying replace quiet confidence and strength in American life? It’s like we’ve been dumbed down morally on top of everything else, consciences are for sissies, etc.
It speaks separation to me. Pain inflicting pain.
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We’re all kinda mean under the skin, but one of the arts of civilization used to tame us – courtesy. When you and I were raised, it was drilled in to us that you don’t show up or insult people, especially people who are weak or struggling, whether it’s with getting out of a parking lot or making a living raking leaves. My folks – who were as blue-collar as it comes – would have blistered my backside if they’d heard me say a rude word to a yardman or a busdriver. I gave up on religion long ago, but it seems to me that the general loss of belief is one of several factors – also the loss of the idea of “the gentleman” – in why we see this casual brutality in daily life. It’s one of those famously unintended consequences – we love being free agents unencumbered with conventional morality, but the consequence may be that the savage beast within us yelps and snarls at any petty opportunity. Take away courtesy, and, bit by bit, everythng else falls. I never thought being a gentleman had much to do with one’s taxable income, but, reduce it to that, and what is there to respect in acting the part of one. Whatever the other factors are – and maybe being an old fart is one of them – I don’t think any of this has much to do with Iran.
We live in parlous times. Here endeth today’s homily from hell.
Oh, that’s not too hellish.
Nothing to do with Iran, eh? They’ve chained Old Glory to fear and hate. Wait till we come after Canada.