See, this is why it’s good to be an adaptable, creative fellow.
I thought things were going pretty well, until I went ballistic on a mailing list and sent people here who don’t need to see these things. VERY unprofessional, shows how serious this is for me and how much I need to take care of myself. Moment to moment, I forget that I just had a piano dropped on my stomach. (That’s the third body region I’ve tried with that metaphor, the best one yet.) Now people can tell stories about me, if they already don’t, or I can take lessons from my mother in how to think they are. These have not been my favorite two-and-a-half weeks on the planet.
Just amazing, isn’t it? This is 1945…
Accordingly, I decided to do more processing, spending a few hours working on my latest song. You have no idea what a relief it is to realize that writing-wise, nothing is taboo any longer. (If it were, I’d have to violate taboo to breathe.) Anyway, here are the most current lyrics. I tried recording this today, but that’s just not working — probably wasn’t done yet. Here we go, then. Transmutation through art, remember:
MOTHER DON’T KILL ME
© 2008 John H. FarrWell I came ‘cause you said you were dyin’
I came ‘cause my siblings were scared
but the nightmare I found down in Tucson
was worse than I ever had dared—————————-
(Chorus)
Mother I beg you don’t kill me
don’t put me outside with the trash
it don’t matter how much you’ve gone crazy
I’d be happy to turn you to ash—————————-
You gave up on gardens and painting
abandoned your beautiful home
and pretended that nobody loved you
now you live in a world all your own(Chorus)
I know that you’ve always been hurtin’
I realize you never were whole
now I know how the best parts went missin’
and I’m busy backfillin’ my soul(Chorus)
Well I thought we could make a connectiion
in the middle where nobody goes
but that’s just a little boy’s longing
maybe this time the door’s gonna close(Chorus)
Then I’d take you on back to Kent County
put you down in the ground next to Dad
there’d be no more abusin’ and fightin’
be the best time that I ever had(Chorus)
Quite the exercise, dealing with my own personal hurricane. I hope someone learns something from this. (Ask me later.)
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Feel Your pain,prof John:
living with my mom, ’she who must be obeyed’ aka,psychic vampire, for past 3yrs is soul -gutting illustrated
You’d think that after 8 decades,they’d show just a teeny bit of spiritual evolution,but no,they’re stuck in their universe of hate,blame&selfpity. What a colossal waste of a life.
Very glad to hear from you. I was beginning to think I was the only one…
“Psychic vampire” is right on the money. I don’t know how you CAN live with such a presence. In my own case, it’s all been revealed to me now, and I know I can no longer have any interaction whatsoever with Helen. The toxins are that dangerous. This is all but impossible to communicate to the world at large, where most people respond with understandable but idiotic pleas for me to “forgive.”
A lifetime of manipulation instead of love… Seeing this is the biggest thing to ever happen to me, bar none. I’m not who I thought I was… My whole life has been built on a lie. I feel like I’ve been rescued from being raised by aliens on another planet.
I need to blog on this subject some more. I also need to go sit under a pine tree and cry for several years, then sleep for a thousand more. But I AM free. I just don’t fully recognize this new world yet.