At some point over the weekend, I fell into a horrific funk. The astonishing thing is how quickly I came out of it.
The details of the destructive thoughts leading to an avalanche of sudden depression aren’t important, but I’m sure you can imagine: the kinds of of things you worry over in the middle of the night that keep you from sleeping, plus every self-belittling notion in the arsenal, all cascading down like Niagara Falls. The dynamics were familiar, as was my taking out my lack of love on the world.
The culmination was my berating myself for not having a physical exam in over 10 years. Of all things! Yeah, I thought to myself, and I’ve never had a colonoscopy, either, so (guilt, guilt) my bowels are probably RIDDLED WITH CANCER, yow!!! Simultaneously, I realized that I was focusing on my abdomen, doing a quick internal scan. A second later, I knew the fear was stupid, because I didn’t feel anything wrong. And then,
WHAM!!!
Suddenly I was back in my body! In my body, aware of the present moment, no longer living in my head. POOF! Danger instantly averted, depression gone.
It was like stepping into another room.
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