This afternoon I deep-cleaned the bathroom, or at least the parts that count.
There’s a stack of tiny little shelves that get filled with dust, mirrors, jars & tubes that need a mercy wipe, the [avert your eyes] bathtub, toilet, all that stuff. And then there’s The Sink: the encrusted mineral deposits around the faucet require a power chisel and so are mostly there, but this time I finally cleaned the knobs!
They’d always had a dull look from soap film and such that had somehow grunged them on the inside, which I never understood until today: peeering closely at the top, I saw there was a tiny hole where one could insert a small screwdriver or other tool to pry off the cap. That’s where the crud was, underneath the cap, which I never knew they had. It makes perfect sense, of course, because this lets the manufacturer make just one knob, but with interchangeable caps to indicate hot or cold. And the caps came off perfectly.
I marvelled at the knobs: beautiful examples of industrial plastic, perfectly formed, hard and clear. In a few minutes, I had them both gleaming. Wow, just like back in the ’50s, I thought with a smirk. (Actually, ’60s is more like it.) But just look at those knobs! Why, you know what? Those are too old to be cheap Chinese junk, those are AMERICAN KNOBS!!! American knobs! They MUST be, because they WORK! You can take them apart and clean them and they last forever.
John Phillip Sousa! Fireworks!! American knobs!!!
El Knob!
“WHERE ARE OUR KNOBS?!?”
Seriously, though. I know that if I go down to True Value and walk down the Plumbing Accessories aisle, there won’t be a single fitting, faucet, washer, or any damned thing that isn’t made in China instead of in Ohio or Michigan like it used to be. A little while back I bought a rubber sink stopper for this sink. It was just a little hard white rubber thingie with a little wire loop attached to a keychain — you know, the little silver chain with a little metal connector that you pop the links into to connect the ends. Well, the chain didn’t work. I could pull it apart with my fingers, because the connector or clamp or whatever we call it was made of soft tin and wouldn’t hold. I could pry it open or shut with my thumbnail, what a joke! Oh, and the stopper didn’t fit. Aarghh.
The damper in the woodstove is made in China now, not Pennsylvania or wherever they used to come from. I’ve replaced three of them, because they just don’t work: again the failure of a simple mechanical locking device, in this case, casting of the damper so it locks firmly onto the pointed metal rod and handle. It’s as if whoever designed the casting had never installed a damper inside a stovepipe, or he might have seen how badly this was made. So far as I can tell, however, these stupid Chinese dampers are in every hardware store in town. You have to have a damper in your stovepipe, and these don’t function. This is crazy-making. Not only did we sell our souls to globalization, now everything breaks!
“AMERICAN KNOBS!!!” he shouted into the deepening gloom.
The few passers-by eyed him cautiously and scuttled home to their smoky hovels, where everything ran down the drains.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
You wouldn’t like to come on down here and clean MY bathroom knobs would you? They could even date from the 30s. Perhaps I’ll just forward your post to Colin and issue a challenge.
John I was a bit taken aback that Carmel asked you to come and clean our knobs – when I’m more than capable. Now ours are not 1930s but are pre the China era. They are encrusted but I think yours take the cake.
Have a Great Year
Well, of course I would! You get me to Queensland, I’ll clean the dang knobs.
I’d better stop there. We’re getting perilously close to polishing, and that could get me banned on the New Aussie Internet.
Definitely no polishing allowed.
-this old mechanic speaks from experience:
Yer goin’ to the wrong parts’ source,prof John: find a heating contractor&order from him.
Stuff for the trade may still be made in china,but it’s top notch,you betccha,as CharlieChan used to say.
Blame the greedy retailers who ply this stuff on a greedy,ignorant consumer base