Gillian

As to what I have to do, one never sees these things as clear as others. This weekend I was appalled to finally grasp the danger I have put us in by being who I am and never realizing my full potential. It’s not just about me, obviously, although for decades I thought it was — naturally — and complexes have consequences.

When you say I know the answer already, my first reaction is, “No, I don’t!” — immediately assuming that someone else sees where I need to go, etc. But ultimately, we’re not talking about geography. If I were “rocking and rolling down the road” in the fullest sense of the words, we’d be very adequately situated here or anywhere else. We may decide to move to somewhere greener, but I’d damn sure never do that unless it were a happy option implemented by a liberated John. I could see it, just like I can see us in a modern solar home on top of a nearby mountain or sitting beside a stream. It’s not location, though, it never was. ‘Twas only, always, ever all that I brought with me from my past.

You have the answer already. I’ve read between the lines and some of the actual lines. You’re ready to rock and roll down the road. Listen to your lovely wife. Thanks for all the fabulous screensavers. You are the age you are, and funky/very funky ain’t where it’s at sometimes as we get older. I guess you want to be where you need to be. Go for it.

It’s here, John, somewhere. Craigslist never has anything, and the Taos News is useless for classifieds. I wonder where one could find “that” place without hanging out at The Bean or Loka all day with a sign around one’s neck?

Meanwhile, someone will probably suggest to try another place in New Mexico, so I thought I’d bring it up first. My reply would be, I just don’t know. It’s more than just thinking about places now. (See the final sentence of the post!)