I see how it all works now, and the whole thing is scaleable! Very scary.
All I wanted to do was find a pair of what used to be called “tennis shoes” (or “boat shoes” in Maryland), those formerly ubiquitous low-cut white canvas sneakers of days gone by. In past decades, I’d just go to my local discount store, try on a pair, plunk down my 14 bucks, and head for home. They were fantastic shoes for messing around in old wooden boats, it didn’t matter if they got wet (no socks necessary), and I’d wear them for casual bike riding and all kinds of things. A pair would usually last a summer or two, and I was never without them. The reason I’ve been looking again is because I’m signing up to take a river rafting trip through the infamous Taos Box, and I need some soft-soled shoes that can get wet.
(Don’t talk to me about Tevas, either. I hate the ugly black motherf*ckers — a favorite of slouchy, fanny-packed, white-toed tourists coming to Taos — and the day when I’d pay $70 for a pair of flip-flops with nylon straps is long gone. The local mountain outfitter store this morning had CROCS that cost that much, can you believe it, and they’re welcome to ‘em.)
So I headed down to WalMart, where I was stunned to find that no one ties their tennis shoes any more. In fact, the only kind I could buy were slip-ons, and ugly ones at that. This led me to explore the budget “running” shoes, and I found a suitable alternative for $29. Nothing fancy, but OK, or so I thought. With the box under my arm, I cruised past the men’s clothing and grabbed a pair of throw-away swim shorts, a polyester “athletic” T-shirt, and a reasonably cool big yellow T-shirt with a red New Mexico zia symbol on the front. Oh, I was rolling, at least until I decided to be prudent and try them on.
Inside the fitting room, I cringed at the sight of my flabby belly and ample spare tire. The yellow T-shirt fit fine, but I could still see my love handles pooching out (the same with the other shirt). The swim shorts were okay, I guess, never mind the flab. I hated the way my body looked, and I had to admit that the clothes weren’t all that great, but they were cheap, right?
When I got home, I looked at my loot and felt guilty and sick. I realized I’d never want to wear any of those items in public, not even the shoes, which certainly weren’t good for running and would probably fall apart in the water. So today I took everything back except the bathing trunks or whatever the hell we’re supposed to call them now. It wasn’t the money, it was the epiphany of the WalMart syndrome!
Consider that I saw my belly flab and was ashamed, even though I was skinny for a typical WalMart customer. I looked in the mirror, hated what I saw, and bought the stupid clothing anyway. Why? Because I was obviously a fat stupid moron who deserved nothing better… That’s what hit me last night, the realization that ugly, self-hating people will buy ugly, poor quality junk from China because it fits their self-image…
Kinda does it for America in the 21st century, I’d say. With so many people overweight and made to feel like crap from having no political voice, no economic future, and no way to follow their hearts or even grasp the truth of having one, we’re prime patsies for the self-reinforcing plunge to spiritual hell that WalMart represents. Yes, it’s that bad. As I drove back to the store to return the awful junk, I remembered that we don’t make anything in America any more [generalizing for the sake of propaganda], we just consume. Once there, the crowd milling around inside reminded me of penned-up cattle in a feedlot, standing in their own excrement. A fair description, only without the stench.
A friend of mine is fond of wearing red Keds high-topped sneakers, all I ever wore when I was a kid. Hmm.
Okay, then. To hell with “running” shoes, “trail runners,” “light hikers,” “walking” shoes (I thought that’s what we did in all of them), and especially anything made of plastic that costs more than 30 bucks. I have a very fine pair of primo hiking boots, a pair of decidely non-wimpy Doc Martens sandals, two excellent pairs of cowboy boots, and a brace of bottom-line Crocs, which are actually quite decent. What else do I need, anyway? Something for the river, that’s what, so it’s off to find some Keds!
They were great when I was 12, and that was one helluva time.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this post almost as much as I hate Walmart. Almost. Great stuff.
Oh yeah, and “Get off my lawn!” (Not for you, just for general purposes.)
I think we need to meet accidentally, get drunk, and rant. This is a small town, maybe it’ll happen.
I don’t like folks on my lawn either
It will happen. My advantage, of course, is that I know what you look like.
Why, did you play the itty-bitty video at the top of the page? Har.
That, and the ones when they were bigger on the old site
You can buy Keds online….very cool
we used to be innovators, inventors, creators, explorers
Ha Wal-Mart scares me, have you ever noticed how medicated everyone looks there? any Wal-Mart anywhere, do you think they pipe it into the air system?
and who invented soul sucking flourescent lights anyway? it is a plot to subjugate our self worth and an attempt to render us powerless. The idea of putting them in dressing rooms seems so counterintuitive to selling things that there must be another purpose….
We still have lace-up ‘tennis shoes’ in Oz. We used to call them ‘sandshoes’ though. Nowadays I think they’re just called ‘Volley SS’ whatever that means. They’re made by Dunlop. I have a pair. They usually cost under AU$30.
Rebecca … I’m with you on the fluoro lights in dressing rooms. What anti-marketing guru brought that about! Don’t they know that if you LOOK good in the clothes you’re trying on you’re much more likely to buy them. And the mirrors … right on top of you, and often slanting away from you … making you look fat even if you’re not!
Really cool shoes
Crap, the link didn’t work. Must be an anti-spam thing. (nope, just an editing error)
Keds is now just a kids brand. Try Vans or Sketcher.
I’ve got some of these Made in USA – Mishawaka Indiana.
Yeah, but which ones? The red Converses look pretty neat. I always thought Vans or Sketchers were to shoes what Barbie dolls were to women, but maybe that was just the marketing. I’ll look around, tho.
But shoot, the Keds/kids thing is just fine with me. That’s the whole point. What I REALLY want, however, are some Aussie sand shoes. Dunlops, man! Four-ply soles! Woot! Woot!
I’ve got Keds too. Definitely NOT just for kids. Mine are cyclamen coloured, which could be why they were on sale. I love cyclamen, but not everyone does.
I think you really need to come to Australia John, if only to stock up on all the things you used to love.
All I need is capital. It IS possible.