When I was an Air Force brat and moved with my family over 40 times before graduating from high school — yes, that’s true, at least that many changes of residence — I learned to quickly adapt and blend in with the collective. Junior high school survival demanded nothing less.
Self-actualization demands a different approach, but old habits die hard. When Twitter first appeared a couple of years ago, I signed up right away but found it silly and closed my account. Early this spring amidst the howling cry to involve ourselves with social media or else lose all bloggy relevance, I went back to Twitter and had great fun for a while. Now it gives me twitching heebie-jeebies, but I intend to unfollow almost everyone and start over, more consciously and less reflexively this time. Twitter is an exceptional networking and information gathering tool. I will make it work for me, and yes, I recommend it if used in this way.
Facebook, however (or FaceBorg, as I like to call it), is another matter. I waited a while before signing up and finally took the plunge. From the outset, there were two remarkably strong, contrasting impressions: one, a burst of gratitude and joy as friends of friends and people I used to know showed up out of the blue; and immediate revulsion!
My antipathy is difficult to explain and usually brings me teasing and insults if I try. For the longest time, this made me feel quite “out of it” and useless. Again and again, I attempted to enjoy assimilation (initiation?) into the swarm. I visited old friends’ pages and read what they were doing. I checked out new friends’ updates and wanted to belong. But here’s the thing: I don’t need (want?) to know what my Maryland friends are doing now, especially if we’re not otherwise in regular contact. I love them and that’s fine, but I don’t live there now. Pictures of the old haunts are strangely discomfiting, and everyone has grown so old — much older than me, of course! As for my Taos friends, surely I know enough already, and if we’re not that close in life, where do I put their daily thoughts? I hardly have room for my own.
This is rationalizing, of course, and not intended to dissuade anyone from “friending” me on FaceBook or convince you not to sign up. By all means romp on and revel in the warmth of happy patter! But what I realized, just yesterday in fact, is that my FaceBook problem isn’t mine at all, but Facebook’s. Some people are sensitive to chemicals and perfumes. With me, it’s Facebook. I absolutely hate it. I’ll even go so far as to say it’s toxic for me: poisonous, soul-scraping, homogenizing drudge. It may be fine for you (and probably is), but I detest it. It makes me feel bad and out of control. My intuition warns of something dangerous that (no, really). It may be that Facebook pulls me off my center by treating me like I was treated as a child. You’re not supposed to understand this, although you might. It’s just the way I am, and that’s OK.
Whew. What a blessed relief to say that here, in public!
I’ll keep the account, of course, just not show up there very often. I already don’t. There’s a WordPress plugin that automatically adds an update to my Facebook “status” (how I hate the jargon) when I post something here or at FotoFeed, so that takes care of keeping Facebook churning. Occasionally I’ll say something there or respond to a comment someone leaves, but THIS is where I live in cyberspace, right here on this blog. You can read my Twitter updates in the sidebar, too. How extraordinarily convenient!
As for social media in general, I find that some detachment is actually invigorating. I got into this because of all the uproar: there’s such a torrent of blog posts, tweets, and updates about how to market oneself, and that’s undeniably important. But to what extent, and how true can it be if everyone agrees?!? There’s even a trend now toward “lifestreaming,” which means assembling all your digital effusions on one page, as if that were one’s life. Rather than bringing us all together, I feel there’s something about it all that separates us even more from hidden truth we’re destined to discover. Hidden truth I’m destined to discover, perhaps? Who knows? Just remember, I’m the weird one here!
(Somehow I don’t think you need reminding, but there it is.)
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I think the problem is you lack the nostalgic DNA strand.
Quite possibly! I was born on the day Nagasaki was nuked, and my DNA has also taken quite a beating over the years. Moving over 40 times in 17 years might also be a factor. And my upbringing estranged me from my mother’s relatives: I can’t even name all my cousins, aunts, and uncles. Nothing remotely like the family life you alluded to in what you posted about your uncle’s funeral. A great loss for me, but what can I do?
Forward is the only way. Even a well-rooted tree grows up, not down.
I’m SO glad someone else DOESN’T like Facebook! Thank you! I have a blog that I don’t update near as often as I used to and I also have a Twitter account that I check in on daily, but Facebook would just be too much. Besides, my husband has a page and I can log in as him and check up on our son – so why bother with one of my own. I have a couple of friends – women in their 50s mind you – who LIVE on Facebook. No thanks. I have found that my Twitter account allows me the short bursts of sharing website links or articles, etc. or just venting in 140 characters – without having to go through all the posting nonsense. So, here’s to freedom and not being manipulated to be part of the swarm (although I did join a quilting Twibe…..)
“nostalgia” is a simplistic and rather childish mindset in the first place anyway, not to mention it attempts to contradict the Second Law of Thermodynamics – like it or not, Entropy ALWAYS wins in the end.
besides, it’s better to live a Real Life in the Real Physical Temporal Universe as it actually exists, instead of spending all one’s time sleepwalking and plugged into The Matrix.
I imagine Facebook is great for the swarms of people who are highly social and want to be in the midst of everything. I am a more private person and don’t want or need all of that cyber connectedness in my life. Not that I’m anti-social. I love my friends and family, but there aren’t thousands of them. How could you truly be friends with thousands of people? It rather cheapens the word.
Sherry, Number 6, and KarenK:
Wow! Great comments. I thought this post would flush out a few things like this, but you guys are truly articulate and sane. Thank you for raising the level of discourse here.
Ha! I do not understand facebook, it creeps me out…don’t people have enough to do? I see the point for college kids who move around a lot and split up after school, but adults? If you don’t want to call or be with people, you can’t email? My business partner tried to convince me it was an essential “virtual business tool” She began a page for me, not convinced, I stopped her. I wasn’t aware it was up, there is nothing on it. Last month I got a facebook email from an old friend from high school. I replied right away, inquired after her well being, explained that I don’t really “do” facebook, gave her my email and phone and I never heard from her again….
The posting of the number of friends is disturbing and quite frankly reminiscent of the high school folk it was designed for and which I left behind with a sigh of relief. I don’t get it. So – maybe I will be left behind in the virtual business world, or by virtual friends, but here in the conscious world I live in, I love my friends, my work, I have no time to post and we serve tequila…
“… and we serve tequila…”
one of the best reasons to prefer Real Life to The Matrix!
oh yeah, virtual tequila sucks….
“The posting of the number of friends is disturbing”
AMEN!
The “creeps me out” part is also exactly what I was getting at. Thank you.
How about a frozen margarita? I could really use one about now.
Facebook has helped me with my greatest personal shortcoming; the inability to recall names a few minutes or hours after meeting someone socially. The unknown usually knows one of my facebook friends, so I just check out my friend’s friends until I figure it out.
Robbo:
I’m glad you get something out of it. That’s great! Most people I talk to think it’s just fabulous.
I just feel a different vibe, is all, and have to own that.
I’m not drawn to either Facebook or Twitter, though I have accounts at both. I’m puzzled by the whole phenomenon and amazed that so many people have so much time to spare.
Carmel, I think Twitter will work better for me once I cull my follows and start over. I need to give some thought to what/whom to search for and follow them selectively. When I started, it quickly became a social thing, which I’m not really interested in. Planning to change that and create truly useful networks, possibly under multiple accounts.
I signed up several months ago when a friend died and his daughter asked me to join a Facebook group she put up as a tribute to her dad. So I wasn’t looking for friends, new or old, although I now have a bunch of them.
I still find the interface counterintuitive, to be kind. Apparently you “update” your “status” by writing about yourself in the third person, and then that information appears on the home pages of ALL your imaginary friends. Worse, their updates appear on your home page. But not all your “friends” are friends with each other, so they can’t see all the stuff you can see. It’s like being at a party where most of the people not only don’t know each other, but they are not even aware of the presence of the other guests. And don’t get me started on the “apps”: Quizzes, polls, “Which ‘Sopranos’ Character Are You?” It’s all kind of fun to observe, but it doesn’t draw me in.
As I’ve said before, I love this blog. I’m glad you consider it your true home online. Your posts are thoughtful and touching. You feel more like a friend than my ersatz friends on Facebook. I enjoy these essays more than the ADD-fueled chatter I see on Facebook. I suspect I would feel the same way about Twitter, but I’m trying to steer clear of that one for now.
Blog on, John.
Well damn, Larry. Those are mighty generous words, and I thank you.
I love your description of Facebook.
Yes, I was getting off the track with the other things, and I’ll be doing more with FarrFeed now, which is as it should be.
More posts. Real stuff. More fun.
Ha! I just realized how far blogging has come in just a few short years: It can now be considered “old fashioned.”
That’s true, I guess. Another reason why I also call this a “digital publishing engine”!
I like Facebook to keep up with friends/relatives and see all their pictures. It is easier to post pics to share, too, rather than try to email them to different people. I do NOT understand Twitter at all. Short sentences…quick thoughts…what is the point?
Like I said, most people I encounter think Facebook is just dandy. For what you describe, it works quite well, if you want everyone to share the same news and photos. That’s not how I operate, though.
Even if I did, several things about Facebook seriously turn me off. Probably the worst aspect is the whole “friends” thing: who is, who isn’t, who can see what, etc. That brings up everything I ever hated about high school, which was a lot! The interface is so awful, it offends me as a geek. I feel the same way about FB as I would about mandatory party games. (“Okay everybody, put on the funny hats!”) Basically, Facebook makes me feel used, and it hit me that way from the very start.
Twitter has none of that and doesn’t trap me on a single website. I can run Twitter from a little desktop app. The search function enables instant networking, even if people aren’t “following” me. Some people enjoy the social aspect, but that really isn’t important to me. Information is! With Twitter, I connect with people interested in the same things rather than people I’m interested in personally, although you could also treat it like that. I dunno, it’s just more neutral.
That said, I’ve even pulled way back on Twitter for the time being. There’s something about ALL social networking media that raises a danger signal. Maybe it’s just that my guardian angels don’t want me to be too distracted yet.
a while back Stephen Colbert did a good bit on his show about the runaway shallow narcissism permeating our society. he pulls out his laptop: “Excuse me, I have to update my Facebook page…[types into Facebook] ‘I am now updating my Facebook page.’ Now I have to go over to Twitter… [types into Twitter] ‘I am tweeting about how I’m updating my Facebook page about updating my Facebook page.’ “
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