Comments on: All-America Bloodline Blues

By: JHF

JHF — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:40:34 +0000

Patsy, that comment needs to be on billboards everywhere. Our part in the play, oh yes, Not Trying to Fix Her, OH YES. I think there are about a dozen people in the country who are hip to that. (I’ve only just now begun to figure this out, so I’m not counting myself.)

You ought to write your book anyway. It would come from the heart, right? That’s 95% of what’s required.

By: Patsy

Patsy — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:20:39 +0000

Dear John,
How lovely that your writing brings so many of us to together to share our experiences without fear of being judged.
I believe any growth I have had with my daughter is directly the result of Not Trying To Fix Her. It took me a long time to see my part in the play and thankfully change that before it was too late.
If I could write like you John I would write my book.
Thanks for all your sharing.
Patsy

By: JHF

JHF — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:19:50 +0000

We’re holding the fan, all right. And with my mother, that’s all I can do. She needs care, but the laws of AZ “protect” geezers by making it extremely difficult to have them declared incompetent.(Unlike, say, Texas, where it’s super-easy…) I guess that’s a good thing, but there’s no way to weed out the truly wacko ones. The bottom line is that there’s absolutely nothing I can do except laugh to keep from crying.

If she were in any other state, I could have her declared incompetent and get her into a good nursing home

By: Nancy Turbitt

Nancy Turbitt — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:08:29 +0000

Oh my, did someone say pathos; humor! I laughed literally out loud. I have a great ability to visualize lots of things, but when someone is as lucid in writing as you are, I just have a heyday in my head. I am picturing all of it as some kind of animated comic in cells with large conversation bubbles filled with exclamations and you just sitting in the sun, taking it all in with your afternoon tequila as your wife decapitates the flowers and the elk call in the distance.

There’s a whole huge generation that can relate so well to the experiences you are writing about. The thing is, it has been this way since the beginning of time but we were too self-absorbed previously to realize that at some point the shit would hit the fan with our aging, not-so-perfect, parents and we’d be holding the fan! You should write another book, John.

With tequila in hand, Cheers! Nancy

By: JHF

JHF — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:08:28 +0000

Rebecca, many thanks for the toast. Haven’t been to Maine in a long time! And what a fine comment. I must be doing something right.

MtnRed, yes, I do realize… The key is in my “Art Guilt” series. In the last week or so, it’s like I got my self back — took almost my whole life so far, but here I am. Midland! Oh my. I went to junior high and half of high school in Abilene, you know. Developed my own two-footed driving style there at age 14, learning to rev up the automatic with my foot on the brake and then peel out.

By: Mtnred

Mtnred — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:25:00 +0000

Do you realize just how far you have travelled emotionally since your first posts on your family disfunction? You have developed a strength and peace that I didn’t see in your earlier posts. Good for you. I really think that all families have some sort of weirdness but if we are really lucky, we turn out ok in spite of it. I think your brother should be nominated for sainthood (or a straight jacket) for trying to take care of someone who needs full time professional care. I had a next door neighbor in Texas whose mother was totally bedridden and senile. She couldn’t talk, she couldn’t care for herself. My neighbor fed her, bathed her, cleaned up her diapers and loved her unconditionally until the day her heart gave out. My neighbor said it would be wrong to put her in a home after everything mom had sacrificed for her. Guilt or Love, who knows? But, she did it willingly and never complained.
I just got back from visiting my mom in Texas. She is a widow in remission from cancer and is very fragile. She gave up driving when she became ill because she had too many stress fractures and the drugs made her loopy. So, while I was there, she had me give her a driving lesson. Total ironic part – the only place she felt safe enough to practice was at the cemetery. So, we cruised the tiny empty cemetery roads in Midland, Texas. I told her that dad could just sit by and fuss and she didn’t have to listen. He never liked her 2 footed driving style. Fortunately for the other drivers in west Texas, she isn’t going to be out terrorizing the roads anytime soon. She would definitely be the one who would drive through the front of the beauty shop.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:43:32 +0000

cooking bison black bean chili on a rainy Maine autumnal Sunday, got a little Cazadores on the table, sit down to catch up with Farrfeed-

wham

like the proverbial car wreck, it is impossible to look away from the pathos as well as the love and humor. To do would be the slow turning from humanity.

toasting you John

By: JHF

JHF — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:09:35 +0000

Another amazing and generous comment! Thank you so much. I agree with the human commonality observation. I think the damage, the disconnect from universal love, that even mildly dysfunctional family relationships engender is more widespread than people realize. We do this to ourselves through our culture, religion, and education, too. Aarghh.

Yes, WHO IS IT supported by (or generating!) “this writhing mass of flesh and blood”? Just asking that question blows out walls, and hardly anyone bothers to ask!

Thank you for hanging in there with me, BTW. I’m feeling a lot better these days and should be cranking out a ton of good stuff in the days to come.

By: John

John — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 11:15:40 +0000

John,

This is as good a time as any to offer one more wandering soul to add to your list of faithful readers who “get it” and appreciate it.

I’ve been reading you faithfully for 10 years or so and it is uncanny how similar our paths toward some kind of understanding have been. There must be a human commonality at work here.

In retrospect, the big breakthrough for me was the forgiveness and sympathetic understanding that came from my realization that my parents inherited and were struggling with the same crap they passed on and that they did the best they could with what they had to work with. That and the realization they had none of the self help language tools of introspection we have available to us today. I doubt they even realized something was wrong. Somehow that realization released me to get on with the daunting task of figuring out who it really is who is being supported by this writhing mass flesh and blood. And what to do with these few remaining years.

Thank you for being John H Farr,
John