Slow learners take more hits. And here I thought I was smart!
Perhaps a simple “no!” is all that’s needed:
No, I will not take that path.
No, I don’t believe that.
No, I will not demean myself a moment more.
And then move on. That’s the hard part, moving on without looking back over my shoulder. But an emergency is now at hand.
For a week and a half, I’ve had what might be a form of neurological infection. Shingles, perhaps, without a rash but like a band of pain around my torso. No, not cardiovascular-related, just sensitive skin that’s painful to the touch. It tracks my daily mood swings like a curse. As soon as I feel lighter, the sensation vanishes, but take on the mantle of a victim, and it comes rushing back. They’re inextricably connected. Pull on a thread, it tugs immediately in another place. I have generated the perfect self-monitoring condition, and it will not let me be or fake my way to happiness. It’s like an invisible dog that rips me with its fangs whenever I go off the path. And this is physical, mind you, as obvious as anything can get. Who knows what else is in on the action?
It seems I can no longer function as a cynical emotional orphan. My body won’t allow it!
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Holy Smokes John! I believe that emotions, especially fear and stress, can bring illness. So many of us figure that out way too late. But you’ve fine tuned yours like a light switch. So is the trick now to genuinely feel good, so that you feel good? I’m sure you’ll keep us posted. All the best, Bobbie Jo
PS I know what I think an emotional orphan is, but how would you define it?
Another commenter used the term “emotional orphan” not too long ago. It’s very apt. I’ve often said I feel like an orphan, because I never got the benefit of either unconditional mother’s love or the support that real fathering brings. A double whammy! I had ways of dealing with this earlier in my life, although they were all unconscious, because I didn’t understand what had happened to me. And of course they didn’t really work, or I’d be typing this from my private island.
Now I do know what went down, and the old strategies are out the window! It’s like finding myself alone in the cockpit of a aircraft that’s running out of gas, and I have to learn to fly it by myself.