That’s what my wife advised me as she headed out the door this morning. The reason will be obvious: here’s the latest on my mother, who I’ve decided is the official National Canary in the Coal Mine.
I called Helen to see if she had gotten her home health care set up. My brother happened to be there, answered, and passed the phone to her. She said no, not yet. I tried to get her to tell me whether I should keep paying my brother for looking in on her. The issue, obviously, is that she can’t afford to pay them both, so I need to know what’s what. She said:
“Johnny, that’s MY MONEY! You don’t have any control over that. I’m going to take your name off the bank account. I’m also going to go to [the lawyer] and take you off as trustee. I can’t trust you any more.”
Yeah, yeah. Right. Geez.
Back to my brother for a minute: I told him I’d send him one more check at least, for this month, and that we’d have to take this day by day. Helen is yelling in the background, demanding the phone, so back to her:
“Johnny, buy a plane ticket. I’ll pay for it. Come down here and HAVE ME COMMITTED!”
[Sigh...]
Or as my other brother said, “Crafty like a fox, she is.” (Good man!) As Helen goes, so goes America. You have to admit there’s something there.
Does this mean full-metal wackadoodle? She phases in and out. The last time I sent a social worker to visit, SHE PASSED! Snowed the freaking pants right off the woman, did no good whatsoever. All the family can do is wait for Helen to end up in a hospital for some reason (hair on fire, wandering the streets), and then we can corral her. She’s like an exhausted, deranged water buffalo with a police escort. So long as she’s on her feet, I can’t touch her.
Sitting here in Taos, waiting for the thud.
“CENTER!”
Yes, dear.
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Don’t worry. The thud will come. It always does. Hand me the phone.
I’m not worried. Worrying only draws one into the Whirlpool of Doom.
Now she’s trying to buy another car. Just what an 88-year-old lady who can’t drive with hardly any money needs to do. She hangs up on anyone who disagrees with her, too.