Nothing is worth this kind of trouble. And being in telephone range is too close.
It pulled me in again, the whole lunatic mother routine: she’s dying, she needs me, she hates me, she’s crazy, she’ll sue me, we’re evil, we hate her, I’m crazy. There’s just no end to it. She even got her goddamn car back. Not that the police had anything to do with this: whoever stole it parked it illegally at a casino, and it got towed! What’s more, she isn’t going to get home care for herself after all. It’ll never happen. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. After all that senseless drama, nothing is changed, except that now she telephones her kids to drop threats and hang up. I guess this means I won’t be getting a Christmas card. [snort]
Stolen cars, smashed lamps, stolen money, no money, lawyer threats, lies, lost heritage, no love, no trust, more threats, hearing voices, pure hate, no sense, crying out, shutting out, no fun, no one, all gone, wasting, wailing, flailing, failing, do it again, over and over and over and over…
I don’t need no steenking power of attorney, I need this ball of disaster to roll on down the road. I need peace. Why is this still going on? Because I’m here? Because I answer the phone?
Other people go home for the holidays. Other people can name their first cousins. This isn’t a family, it’s a goon squad. What kind of a mother thinks all five of her kids are trying to “put her away” and spends her last days on earth trying to KILL them? Put her away? I’ll put her away with bells on. She could have had a private room in a beautiful place with no more cares in the world, but she wouldn’t go. She could stay where she is with gold-plated home care, but she won’t let me arrange it. I wouldn’t put up with this from a stranger — can you say “restraining order”? — but I’m letting my mother do it. I don’t have any more sense than the stupid juncos our cat catches with one paw tied behind her back.
Tricky business, though: M.O.T.H.E.R… What do you do? There isn’t any psychic blueprint. I can’t call the cops. But maybe this is something I can use, eh?
(Why else would it be happening?!?)
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. You’re in a tough spot to say the least. If she were a stranger you could walk away knowing her FAMILY would have the burden of responsibility. Well, guess what. I know its bad from your end but the person I really feel for is your brother. I admire him for his willingness to keep putting up with it. Just remember, this too will pass. Don’t know when, don’t know how, but one day she WILL be gone to the great hereafter and you and your siblings can find that peace that is alluding you now. In the meantime, don’t answer the phone. She can’t make you as crazy if you don’t talk to her. Maybe if you don’t give her the tool she can’t do as much damage. For some reason she NEEDS to inflict pain. Self preservation has to kick in at some point.
She’s obviously not in her right mind. I’ve known that for a couple of years at least, so everything has to be considered in that context. There’s nothing I can do for her except wait for an “incident” that puts her in the hospital, at which point I may be able to shift her over to a nursing home. SHE doesn’t make me crazy any more because I know all this, but that psychodrama is inescapable.
It bears down on me. Whether I listen to her or not, whether she’s even worth caring about or not, this is still my mother we’re talking about. My self-preservation is in fine shape, believe me, but that doesn’t render one immune from all the side effects.
My brother is willing to put up with this because he believes he has no other choice: bad lungs, not in the greatest of health himself, he can’t work, and he’s too young for social security. He stays there, rent-free, in another trailer she owns, and his only income is what I or my mother send him. They are effectively joined at the hip. He DOES have other choices, as everyone does, but has to discover them for himself. Right now it’s pretty bleak.
As for family responsibility, not in Arizona! If the old person doesn’t WANT any help, even if they’re batshit loco, there isn’t any way for the family to intervene. Arizona law allows your parents to die horrible, lonely, undignified deaths. The only way I could get control of the situation would be to go to court and have her declared incompetent, something I have neither the heart nor the resources to accomplish. I have no responsibility, legally speaking, without power of attorney. But she thinks she’s sane and that I’m the crazy one, so that will never happen!